Cedar

Cedar

I will love myself in the absence

To know I am alive

Like a self regulated cardiac stimulation device

Surging in the fetid hours of singularity

Plugged into no outlet just traveling batteries

Charging on borrowed time and vagabond plugs

Here for now and gone some how tomorrows ticking

Pictures of a mirror corpse and the back lit doors

Of a figure standing there through the Dutch window

Without face or distinguishable characteristics

Just an outline that appears vaguely human in stature

But alien in adaptation to this shadow environment

Packing on objectives in mini-tasks of must and must not haves

To elevate a sense of self above that of a Pinocchio or Frankenstein

Being wavering there on a light bulb filament of a cranial synapse

Connecting the pause between calling me man and afterthought

For all stammering in silence raining down like granite shrapnel

Of mountain tops exploding and expanding by gathering minerals

Around itself to partake in the satiated thirst of abandoning consideration

For a given conclusion that there is no hope here in the nadir

To succumb to the metamorphic assimilation to quit on love

Arms, legs and torso like a millstone halted

For the wheat wheel has no river feeding the pulley system in the creek bed

Any longer, just dry stagnant heat crisping the mud into clumps

Of desecrate answers staring down at why the enterprise should leave this Indian town

And a man can stand and say there will be rain and pray

An evil orange burnt sky is a fire in a marigold hive of hornets awaiting their decent

For the hive has been disturbed bumped by the man that dared to refuse

Loving himself in the absence of you like a light pole praying for roots

To become cedar itself and bare roots out rather than illumination of a rationale

For your purview, independently principled in concert of a singular purpose

To know I am alive