Drowning in Circles

Drowning in Circles

I am just drowning in these circles, nervous at an unprecedented level

Based on this lighting rod stare

And this impasse that she sees out on the horizon strangling me for the consequences

Of choices I made based on faith in someone else

What if I was not willing to move for her, ignoring the realities of these constraints

What if I owned my home here and asking me to sell it for a shot at a life with a woman

Who isn’t sure where she wants to live anyway, is not financially indebted in a mortgage

To a piece of land and maybe this is too much to clear from this cob webs of what was for her

The true questions are, do you or we have to decide these questions now?

Isn’t our goal, our hope to fall in love?  Why can’t we have the time with each other to fall for each other living where we live now maintaining the outskirts of stability in what we each know?

Why can’t we take the time to see if that is even possible, before train wrecking our future on an obstacle that may shrink in the comparison?

Love provides a measuring stick for all other choices and circumstances of prioritizing that which is most rare and if I am not worth that to you then and I am unable, un-wanting or incapable of changing than reflecting on this impasse through the lens of those days in place of these is what should become pertinent.

Speaking with you, we each spent today mangled in these emotions, drowning in these circles

Torn up more than in a decade, hard core and on the floor of what conflicts with what we viewed as certainties and saw as impossibilities merging into our present contorting our hearts into separated states in a single nation at civil war, and like dawn after the darkest light

You let out the spark that there is a deeper part that you have not told held within the role

You see as options for your self that this impasse breaks apart who you are comfortable being

In a life with me you may see yourself living, so we will meet and talk tomorrow and pretend to eat lunch in my home eating there and learning where the fences of this love will be built

Outside or inside of those days that haunt you into this confliction and reach me backwards into This aggression towards my ex like a war I set my weapon down because I did not need revenge

And this wound she has slashed in you by my consequential stance here has slain my pacifism