Effort Expended

Effort Expended

Overtures in preparation,

Planned out thoughts and trepidation

To acknowledge effort expended

In singular movements of implicated want

For you to reciprocate a profession of desire

In my practices to ask you to enter my home

In a jut of a movement I do not know if you were prepared for

To balance out these scales of privation and exaltation

From my waterfall words and your faucet-drip responses

For the opportunity to get to know you

In a barter of pressure points outside the locus of my control

Like verbal acupuncture so careful to select the exact location of our discourse

Hungry for your verbalized want

Aloud with reinforcing body movements

Constantly reminding myself of the precedents and ground work

Of identity compositions I have written on that sofa

Like a backdrop of soaking in immaterial things

To your consciousness, that in your discretion

Could fall by the wayside of my discarded fears

Wanting to Ferrari past that and drown

Hearing my ovations as sweet as normal in a marking point

Of distance, a mandatory overture of appreciation, yet tainted

With fear that you are not ready for such kindnesses

That you are still so unsure whether you could ever pull

Knowing you will break me in two, in only a measure of time

Outside of my determination

Or as I have the audacity of hope to want

Actual measurements of wow, that a man wants you in his life

And is thankful for your presence in what he hopes to be continued

Beyond this evening, that these gestures are not taken as weakness

But as a strength in how future treatment may perpetuate

These salvos that you were hoping would one day come

I do not wish to be looked down upon, but into and with

That which is the center of your soul like a grappling hook

To connect that which most matters

And I fear for how willing I am to profess,

I do not wish to pursue other options