Beyond my own blood lines
Given me the benefit of error
Of lashing out, of stumbling prematurely
To recover my footing in the benefit of their doubt
To pursue my approval with nervous tension
To endure the specter of actual concern over my choices
As if I had the power to walk out on their hope
And squelch it between my toes as my feet
Moved in an opposite direction
That prayed upon my return with an elevated heart rate
That would chase me down and beg me to reverse course
When I elected to utilize the freedom to act irrationally
That wrote their soul in ink and spread it out upon the page
Like a plea of conscience to barter breathing in duality
I have never had those powers of omnipotent options over anyone
My applications for the reverse position have gone out
Like coronary bypass operations dislodging dysfunctions in my machinery
And gone unrequited on every occasion in perpetuity
I am so weary like a catapult with a tension band
Stretched to its geriatric limitation on the fringe of unleashing
All sense of self control into a room of nothing
Desperation sticks to my skunk-skin like a genetic repellent
Signaling weakness prompting drivers to exchange lanes into oncoming traffic
To avoid exposure, and I am caught in a head on collision between rambling and silence
Uncertain as a fawn approaching autumn acknowledging winter’s grip
Like a blanket of absolute white polishing off every speck of foliage,
Marked territory or apple blossom for a pale canvas devoid of all markings
But my own unanswered hoof prints
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