Funerals

Funerals

I do not believe in funerals.

Antelope and lions and ants and house plants

Do not have funerals and yet they live

In communities and systems and tragically not human

And the selfishness of it all to have a gathering to remember the deceased

To pay homage to the breach in the contributing every day occurrences

That will no longer occur as if any of us are so important

That this time should be observed

Why do we have birthdays or congratulatory accolades?

Or Hallmark existing in world worth living, it all seems so tangential

An accoutrement to the tangible impact of living intact

To a doing and serving and a life inert to the landing

Maybe that is the essence of being alive,

Being missed when you no longer survive

The list of people that show up out of respect for the dead

Like a laundry for the testament to the life you never saw that you led

And I guess I feel like there is no one attending my life

So why would I even want a funeral for such a sight

As a few faces looking at a box of dust, of bones and nothing but

A shell and if I age and if my parent’s are gone I doubt

There would be much of a gathered throng without the mandated

Genetically-linked observers who are evolved to take a vested interest

In one’s continuation.  Maybe I am jealous of other people’s situations

Maybe I am bitter, maybe it all appears silly to grieve over death

When not living a life, wanting to let go of so much despite

Holding it in every day, the weeks and the weak exoskeleton of these days

Like fragile armor of nothing in a big pool of shutting down upon down

Medicine and sounds of snacks and pacts of how good a dead man was

Never reading or never dubbed worth it by his own ugly greed

Maybe I just don’t want to ponder the eulogy

This sad life I imagine living, this void of hope or love

This pale slate dubbed enough, feeling this need to convince rather than show

Too short, too ugly, to silent and too muddy out there on the fringe

Of understanding how to relate, maybe I just wish I had some measure of faith