Procreation

Procreation

I was thinking about our discussion about how I do not know if

I ever want to have children

Again

The swell burrows like a tornado of doubt spinning down

Into my chest like the implant of a land mine in loving that way

To put my life into the corners of my soul to ingest the seed

Of that desire and reliance in the face of that confidence

In you or another to have and to hold the genes of my existence

In that manufactured prism of infant hands growing into this wasteland

Battlefield that has knocked me dead to raise up and live this

Apocalyptic trial instead of what was promised, instead of what was

Envisioned in the proliferation of her life to be with her mother and me

And now this is and this and how can I find the faith to do this

With a whole heart, not knowing you and I or who ever enters this line

Are fine and good and all this that I thought I once thought I understood

Is somehow manufactured to a greater degree than what I currently see

I do not know.  The sunlight burns and singes, but not yet

This fear away and I need the shade from this summer glade

Of such wonderful thoughts because I need to cross

The brook of knowing the day is coming and love is strumming

All these mountain tops to one day resign that they will not topple off

And crush me to know that from day to day in the azimuth and refraction of the ray

The light bends her face and reminds me of the maze in full consequence

That I have been tortured through to get through her and now you

I know that moving on is a song and I sing it in the constitutional shower 

Complicated and crushed to see the life I was promised and want and not want

Reality and all this reflected disparity between what is just and what is better

And what is neither, So please stay for dinner,

Dine and time can roll down the glass of this chosen wine

Into our throats and we can emote over the sunrise in the morning