The cliché goes
something like
The greatest
trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn’t exist
And so it is with
great astonishment that at some age past twenty-five
I found myself
not believing in the devil’s existence
Jesus appeared
like a crutch to me for those
That need a word
to fill in the blank on a Mad-Libs page
I could at one
point relate to the itch, sort of like masturbation of the spirit
Or some
repetitive action we found out our beings are capable of
At some age one
figures out his genitalia,
but I guess some
poor souls never explore themselves enough,
but that’s hard
to believe
The devotion to
prayer, the kneeling, the transubstantiation seemed like happenstance
I thought about
Catholicism, (my brand of choice at the time)
The sorcery
really got to me, the homophobia, the second priest in my parish
To commit suicide
made me chuckle that they really must not believe in this either
I quit going
because I started to believe in God without crutches
That the
explanations, the certainties of a people having flesh dinner parties
Chugging blood
and washing forehead vampire repellent on entry and exit
Seemed excessive
and paradoxically lazy, it seemed a faith about mythology over acts
I believe in God,
sound, in the classical cosmological argument
Something outside
of existence must have created existence
Pascal’s wager
seemed faulty or at least counterintuitive to the punk-kid in me
If hell did
exist, then God allowed it, so that would mean he really is an asshole,
So fuck him, put
me there if you want, because I tried,
You know I damn
well did my best to be kind, to be loving, to be giving
To recognize that
we are all connected and it seemed like the greatest barrier
On our tiny
planet was actually religion,
What really got
me going was thinking about other planets, other universes
The other complex
life-forms, capable of the same classical cosmological argument
What do the
Quasnogs tell their kids, “IF YOU DON’T SIBGOP EVERY SHUMOOG GOYF YOU WILL GO
TO KITZZAP AND BURN FOR ALL ETERNITY.”
Would we laugh if
we read their scriptures, would we go to war, would we try to convince them
about Jesus, Mohammed, Abraham or Rah; it just became silly
I imagined the
God that created us, created them, the nuance, the litigation
It just seemed
like government, societal control to avoid disease, to keep people from taking
advantage of free-will and murdering, marauding and basically being assholes
We came up with
some rules and then churches started to get in dick measurement contests and we
ended up with the crusades and the jihads and nukes pointed at Iran
I got out of that
circus, so I love a lot of religious people
I understand and
respect their point of view, but I really cannot see myself ever going back;
sorry Grandma, I know you probably don’t understand and find my explanation
full of uncouth deportment, but
I came to see
this free-will in me
What it is, why I
have it, why any of us have it
Meaning of life
kind of stuff
I have written thousands
of words at this point extolling my meager contemplations
In the end I will
vomit another inadequate smatter to the page,
God does not have
free-will, Free-will requires choice, Choice requires time
Time requires a
before, during and after, God is outside of time
We are here as
part of God, segregated into existence
By our inability
of complete assurance of what we truly are
Once we could be
assured that we are part of God, we cease to be ourselves
We are not here
to behave well for candy or to have our hands slapped
Or to posture as
recycling sycophants to please an insecure deity
We are here to
enact that, which God is denied, choice
To recognize our
interdependence or not
We are
everything, we revert not to judgment, but to that which we do to ourselves
How we do what we
do is all that is relevant
I will quote one
of my other rants,
“It is the why, in
and of itself, innate, answering our own question
In the form of a
harmonic resonance or dissonance we send as a chord
In a
trans-universal echo booming not of any distance, but into our being
Constantly
present in the bowels of our choice,”
So I am what I
refer to as an Agnostic theist
I no longer have
a church or group meetings, I am sure we could,
But then that is
how religions start,
I am sure the
world is full of us, we pass you on the street smiling
We don’t worship
or believe in the devil or wish you ill, we don’t have a mascot
We pray, but
probably not like most people, we are a minority in America,
But are we? I
guess time will tell, either way I love you and wish you peace
Religious people,
I promise to never try to convert you, you can try to convert me
I might find it
amusing, Peace
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