I wanted to make
a joke about suicide
I did with my
therapist once
We both laughed
out loud
She asked if I
ever thought about it
The joke was in
my grin
As she and I both
smiled at the thought of the obvious
Why wouldn’t I?
I wanted to make
a Facebook post about the laugh
I declined
thinking the measure would be misconstrued
As a cry for
help,
(I do not want
help. I want a reason to be happy
On top of merely
existing.)
I perpetuate
respiration, food intake, sleep, work, mortgage payments.
The cycle is
boring; Pursuing intellect is a baleful waltz
Towards the
allure of oblivion and the cacophony of the mundane
Religion, hope,
dreams, love, vomit, disgust
None digest down,
only nausea, stiff neck revolt
Strychnine in the
climb out of bed, sheets soaked in sweat
Cancerous moles
polka-dot the back; biopsy the whole
I want one memory
that is not a vampire
Alive,
permissible for reference without taint of stake coronary
Explosion of
dried blood to the floor boards, plasma
Legal notices on
doors, swimming holes booze and gunshots
Bullets and
smeared make up, waiting for a ride, car pool is late
Commute-town
vagabond, heroin sunshine, depression cold-slide
Flamingo hips,
disjointed elbows, bend backwards past the threshold
Cannot eat this
fill fucking chocolate wonder-fall!
America gone
disease-billed, bacteria-taste buds climb the landfill
Scavenging for a
friend in the heap, zombie gorging brains
Who the hell to
talk with, converse until meaningless is a thrill
Rot this desperation
out, until I can roust the bout
Succumb to the
dope-lung, drug the billows, hold the pillow
Over the head
instead of under, block the airway until mother’s shudder
Walk in rooms
like nirvana, just smile all the time with Tweedy
Have real teeth like melted butter; come and laugh
with me; be a Joker tonight
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