I was
contemplating first date conversation topics
Taboos, bear
traps, careful tread, upheavals,
Sanctuaries,
pleasantries, common courtesies, meals
Shared over sweet
breads that are not bread at all
Glandular
reactions, guttural permissions or denials
Cascading in the
innate reaction to the first look upon a face, a body
An opportunity
burgeoning or imploding within the possibility
Explained by ones
penis or vagina reacting with the applause of blood flow
Words,
encyclopedic meandering sentences appearing out of crannies
Of pasts to
volleyball conversations aloft to avoid the shattering dangers of silence
Exploding upon
the table top into glances towards wallpaper or paint
On a ceiling to
avoid the prolonged eye contact that lovers use
Like Gatling gun
ammunition barreling at each other for salvos of want
Burning each
other alive with the desire of new found land
Staking claim for
the evening like salivating canines ready
To have werewolf
intercourse growling and furious
In Egyptian
cotton high thread count sheets some hours from now
Happiness
momentary or life-long wrapping at the city
Like a broken
levee prepared to enrapture the first story of every building
Hold back the
water with such tiny turns of speech, realism, truisms, facts
Parrying fencing
swords of attention to details overlooked in the pheromones
Of odor wandering
off collars slipping into the octaves to earlobes
Tongues pressing
over lips raunchy and mischievous
Like a sixth
grade class watching the clock for recess
Play time is
different now, at this hour flinching in red rover
Broken by yard
signs put out in history breaking the lines of defense
Like German
planes blitzing London
peppering metal
Divorced, an
eight year old daughter, fought like hell to be able to see here
Damned that to
try to leave a town I have not been able to escape
Trying to deceive
myself into believing in hope like thinking the wasps will not sting
If the chemicals
concluded I was only passing through
Depressed for
more years than I can count, no pills, wavering doubts
Vagabond
conscious I will always have myself, home is the breath in my mouth
Craving the
occasional oblivion, wary of my own complications when staring beauty in the
face, running away knowing the pace
Has never set in
sequence too fast, too slow, always off, always cold
To the summer,
hot to the winter, sweating and shivering, stammering and inhibiting
Any measure of
certainty, want to move on to what, to live where, to do what, to care
About whom, for
how long, does it matter, is there a ledge to grab, a way to prepare
Only flesh to
stab with the questions of new nights exposing
First sights for
a new face, the young victims of war games
I will always be
weird inside, I will always be off
Love will never
nest, broken eggs and smiles crest
At angles
compromised, weighted down by former lives
Assumption
combustion by the date of demarcation
Then and after,
craft the front of synthetic laughter
Courage for a
daughter, to show her a well-adjusted father
Another lie,
another time, hearts are not muscle
Repair on its
own, whatever happened, nothing but acting
Rise in the
morning, commute, work, paycheck, storing
House in a town
that killed me years ago
Faces in a
swimming pool drowned in the things I wish I never got to know
Friends are jesters
with cattle prods shocking the water standing on logs
Giggling at my
limp limbs floating in the deep end
No where to go
just drinking the urine of the children staying afloat
Pissing in
fountains, wishing in cauldrons, deals with hags
Alcohol on porches
and standing on double slabs
Metal, wood,
concrete, insulation, glass, paint, epoxy, castration
Scrambled organ
donor cardiac scooped and chucked
Over a fence and
eaten by none, not even the bacteria
The unknown
microbes, the stomping of harsh times
Forget it all,
never talk, never say, conversations immature for first dates
Peppering behind
fences, cowardice cures, accusations
Haunted mystery
tours, no apologies, no explanations
No connection to
the man that I was, to the man that I am
I am no one now,
just a shell with a smile that is not a smile
Inches pretending
to be miles, the hurt is right there a millimeter away
I can stick,
pivot, dance and deliver a placebo of man
A time and a
promise of sculpture and delivering plans
None of it is
real, the monster ate me and what you see is only her meal
Slumped in a
pressed suit, wing tips and bright eyes
A goddamn lie,
tired of recycled well wish conversations as if facts will ever matter again
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