Some Days In the Silence

Some days I feel there is nothing to say, nothing to write

On these days I feel the most dead

Distant in the universe

The arbitrary has taken over

The only thing worth a damn to say

Is the search, the search for the obvious

The ubiquitous everything

Scaled in the silence

The charade tramples over it

Giving us things to do

So I do not want to do anything

But think, talk to myself, maybe write

But some days not even that

The distance takes over

There is no point, the interconnection is lost

Between all beings, things, and this illusion of autonomy

The delusion of individuality in borrowed tricked volition

The majestic platform of choice

As if time of before, now, and later is all a single instance

Flashing

So that whatever this parcel elects is only done into itself

In the whole

Vacillating between absolute arbitrary and connection

Absorbing into the singularity

Some days I feel there is nothing to say, nothing to write

On these days I feel the most dead

The universe goes from beloved to stranger

Alone to trillions of hearts pumping love or fear choosing bravely

I want to be a chooser, I want to be brave

Some days I do not feel brave

I want to see one face that ain’t looking through me

Just one to go on the journey and the requested feel like death

Like not yet son, keep going down, you have to destroy more of yourself

To find the door to that key materializing in the silence

  

Maybe one day it’ll feel like something

But today just feels like nothing, like nothing

As long as I have this breath

I can blow it back up, expand

Remember the something as the whole

Like everything, like everything