Saturday, November 22, 2014

Oct 18 - Letters to Luna

I have been just bleeding in the street like an embarrassing mess for about a month in a half now.  My particular sack of human could have used a face to face to validate whatever was real in what we shared and who you are.  Maybe other people don’t need those kinds of things, but that is the kind of person I am, when people get personal with me, I need closure. 

I get your life needs to be in another place with other people, that part is straight forward.  For me as a poet I needed a cushion a human transition from where I was in that moment so vulnerable and ready to share when that was the antithesis of what I thought myself capable so few weeks before.  To take that turn internally and have it backfire so immediately it caused an explosion. 

Like I wrote I am not mad, I am hurt.  I could have just used some more humanity some sensitivity from your end.  I have taken a lot of punches in my years.  I take on the role of the pacifist from my upbringing and nature.  But the punch from you I thought maybe you understood or after a while you would understand all I wanted was a human experience where we saw each other and it was real.  It might not have lasted for long, but the people we saw were real and a lot of my writing was hungering for that portrait of showing you who I was and trying to see who you are to know and be known by a special soul in the universe as we continue our journeys. 

I have been falling all over myself in pain because I felt on the cusp of that like a molted animal in the soft version of his shell when the blow came.  I oozed into an ocean of words.  I thought you would see that all I really wanted was some recognition as a human being not some faceless passerby because you touched me in the deepest place that I am whether you intended to or not.

I am sorry for being weird, for not just shutting the fuck up.  I make mistakes.  I have been looking to be understood for a long time.  I wrote a lot about your mind because I thought you capable unlike anyone I have ever met.  I am sorry.

Bye,


Severus

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