Wednesday, November 5, 2014

God poem 1020


When I try to remember why I lost my faith in a present God
Maybe remaining in a distant indifferent God by irrelevant to the toil
Outside the ubiquitous suffering of the substantial portion of humanity
In poverty, disease, war, hunger, and depravity

Resting like a beacon to prompt the waterfalls of empathy
To stave our species’ extinction
Where we may in parcels obtain the essence of what I considered God
Within the act of love

In my splint of a microcosm of a life it was the dunking into that which I love by blood
To remind me most of my isolation like a chain to use my compassion against me
As choker and mace

To revolve the cycles of watching my daughter grown in a town of Hades
I may never truly escape until my daughter ascends her adolescence
I am baptized anew each fortnight like a dark unction
Into all of that which I pray to forget

To see my ex-wife’s son run across a soccer field followed by his father
To embrace my daughter in a hug after driving an hour during a Sunday Saints’ game
To be on time for warmups and see the idea of family flattened out my being
Like waterboarding or thumbscrews pressed to never want to be

What I tell myself now I will never want again like a cult memorized mantra
In attempts at alternatives that so far have only ended in death, rejection, and isolation
I walk on into the countless nights of prayer how one can choose for or against a book
A will, a guide, a policy of prompts towards the kindness of human empathy

To make another’s path that tad bit easier, providing that cushion in times of volition’s
Separation from all of that which hurts the soul in honest path
Of what one wants and the other does not in the passing currents of love’s folly
It is in how one does what one chooses, not the choice that tears the fabric of the universe

So in I see not a place for a present God and am happier for it
For in to believe that a God would entertain such pain as in play with a desire of plan

I see only a monster; blessings random 

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