God Damn Grease Rag

God damn it I just wanted a fair chance

I felt there was so much there; the disparity of where I was

And the confusing doesn’t matter thrust into a non-option

Based on what feels like my wanting

Just makes me not want anything ever again

It makes me want to harden into a rock

To never feel, to never want, to never try

It makes me feel like a thirteen year old

God damn it I just wanted to live and breathe for a while

To not be put under the pressure of trying to save a ship

Makes me look like a desperate lunatic negotiating with the moon

For a response as if the light was even the satellite’s to offer

Reflections of nothingness, beams that never existed

And the absence turns the world into oblivion

And I want to feel; I want to flush; I want to hear the songs

It’s all stuffed to refuse, molded and stale months and months

Knowing there is no direction, every motion is just a man

Walking to walk a direction elected because moving feels like an attempt

And a non-attempt just pulls the noose tighter alone in the bedroom

Wary so desperate men go to yoga and bow to God breathing poses

As if some contortion of his body were like a skeleton key to unlock the hell

To release the demons for someone else to trap them in their breath like a trick exchange

And maybe an angel might flutter by or in or whisper in his ear during the gap

Before the demons breaks free and re-impregnates his corpus

Knowing what was is always god damn there with the potential of what may be

Reconciling for an opportunity to hear the words come out of her

That I was not insane sensing that maybe one day something will change

Magic in the night from these rotations of shuffle

The world might get bigger and the images may fade with the hope

In a new face, a new body, a new try

Praying to not feel like a toxic grease rag

Wiping up every god damn hope he ever had