On Jul 31, "Luna wrote:
I usually read your emails and poems
at least five times the day I receive them, then they go into a box,
Letters.
In between our meetings, while
waiting for the next subscription I open the box and reread them...I think it
is to remind me of how intoxicating your words are, extrapolating the
underlying meanings, the effect they have on me...like sinking into a warm
bath.
Then on the days of our actual
meetings, I go through the things I am scared of when it comes to dating or
relationships...being tamed, domesticated, vulnerable, monogamy.
I think that is why when I first see
you, I may have a look of fear or anxiety for the first, oh.. three, five, to
fifteen minutes depending on the trials and tribulations of my day. It's some
form of head space back into reality transition. Akin to eyes adjusting to the
bright sun from being held captive in the darkness, deep breath, and it's not
so scary. I have difficulty staying in the now when left to my own devices,
comparing past to present, from future expectations. I do not fair well when
others start planning for me. I require lots of time, I need to be the redwood
or it will end in flames.
And your letters make me angry,
because how dare someone else see me, with me barely saying anything at all.
When reading them...it is all at once suprise, acknowledgement, and
warmth...then I get nervous, the owl wanting to fly back into the darkness. I
enjoy spending time with you and I am scared. Scared I will hurt you as I have
hurt so many before in my past. And I realize what's done is done and that has
passed, I can make my future daily, remaining still and contemplative. This
time around, molasses speed, as to quell my fears of being trapped.
Last night...I think my favorite
part was reading on the sofa with your arm circled around my ankles.
Date: Aug 1
Subject: Re: Coffee and Blueberries
From: luna@mail.com
To: severus@mail.com
You
do realize I'm starting to have feelings for you, right?
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