Halfling

I am not here

I think that has been the problem

Planet, universe, cell phone

I am only present in shade

Particles waver between where I have been, will be and am

As I exist in both

Thoughts drift satisfying no one

Destined for isolation connected with the whole and nothing

Seated in a two-top café reading The Count of Monte Cristo

Listening to the tattoo women gossip of mistresses and husbands

Internet profiles and messages of identity

Thinking about who is mating with whom

I don’t want skin-art or a Halloween costume

That would be like declaring presence as if it mattered

What I appeared to be like people could see me

Another bar room concert solo

I am not here

I think that has been the problem

Introductions, cordial reflections

It takes a moment for my ship to return

A few seconds for my brain to exit that plane

And conjure words appropriate for the surface of my body

Viewed, watching, participating in this dance

Mind is staggered hoping there is another place

A bigger picture washing in ways imperceptible

Causing the pause to search knowing nothing will ever be found

Yet the search is everything

The retirement, the status, the hell of distraction piles stacked

Nah, just the journey, the quest, the blazing soul asking questions

Praying to grant oneself permission to be with people,

To be present in full either here or there and end this Halfling

From this grand purgatory