Lesson Learned

Lesson learned somewhere not sure of the lesson

Maybe there was more than one

Do not let fear guide your life

Holding so tight to having to do everything yourself

Prevents those who love you from helping

I wonder sometimes if I had asked for more help

I just might have solved both ends of my dilemma

I am not sure

I just know everything went to shit

I instigated it I guess; I miss her with a cavern of my heart

And all the prayers to God that I meant as much to her

As I know she did and reluctant as I am to admit still does

That imbalance that my pleads appeared to have no affect

Maybe they did, maybe they did not

Maybe she just has to be on the journey she is on and

Let go of what was

The whole completely turning off and out thing

I find it difficult to see how that person was meant for me

I just want to feel that way about someone new

Part of me wants that; part of me wants to say

I wish things would change like a cliché

To have a chance at what I feel like we never had

I know I could smile and give of myself in a way

The logistical pressures of my life did not allow before

I feel cheated and want to reconcile under everything that I am from God

To imagine her with him broke me into a hardened pain

I never want to feel that; I want to move on but all these signs

All this past; I just find it so hard to not over analyze and say that was the life

God intended and if this is the price to know that I pray

This sentence be paroled and she break open a line of communication

About feelings that were buried under that rumble but never died

I wish and know it is not likely or probably healthy for me to think of such things

I know it may prevent me from moving on if left to kindle

I only know it does not feel like it is over until I know she has committed herself to another

But she already has, maybe that is not relevant

Maybe she is never coming back no matter what

I know every time I hear Thunder Road I see her face and dream

Maybe she is not Mary or ever climbing in

Heaven is waiting out on the tracks

This poet dreams and kills himself over and again

Hoping I can make it, knowing I am no hero

Neither of us is perfect, but I just let it all go

Whatever is going to happen is not mine to control

I’ll just hold and pray that God bring me to where I need to be