God, please help me stay near
you. I know tonight is full of potential
both to inspire me or to show me an absence.
Part of me wants to see a beautiful path of someone with a world to
offer and I to her. Another part of me
wants to look back upon where I was and long for the tenderness and languages
of what I feel I may have failed to speak and do.
God, help me to see that even that
old language if ever spoken again can only be annunciated by traveling
forward. There is no regression only
progression. So in the path to any
formers is through that of the possible, yet the idea of the longing is a
cursed totem. It cannot be held, for
what was must be given to you and whatever is to be must be granted fresh roots
and tendrils.
God, grant me the serenity to hold
you in my sway as I drink in the bountiful joy of my place in this world with
my partner. Whoever she is I want there
to be our time in the proper placement with you. I have you now and know that my readiness is
greater than it was. I am always capable
of greater growth and to admit culmination is a fool’s errand.
God, I wish to simply let be what is
beyond my control and to live in the celestial convergence of where my volition
ends and hers begins. I am done with
these coffins I have carried. I am done
with these scars like stools I needed to be present. I cast them to embers. I breathe not smoke but the clarified oxygen
of what it means to know I am worthy of my bones. This body, this spirit, this mind, and this
heart are open.
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