Conversations

I think my entire life can be summed up in the following sentiment
I have spent everything I have to participate in a conversation

Where the other party understood a damn thing I said after minute forty-seven  

I would rather not talk most of the time, just keep quiet, listen, assess

Most of life does not require speech, so I choose not to utilize speech  

People seem to always be staring at me like I have to start the conversation

I am exhausted from being looked at that way; I would rather stare at a wall

Be alone or slice my toes open with a letter opener slowly over the course

Of eighteen weeks 

The others I get the same in return, no one talks back

The irony of life is that anybody you actually want to have a conversation with

Avoids talking with you as if the very power of their existence

Is created by their subconscious knowledge that you wish to converse

Yet, they are disallowing this transaction to occur 

Therefore one is left to silence, all the while speaking inside their skull

The other is off to other people trying to talk to them whom they are being ignored by

The powers of the world shift in such ways  

No one really talks to anyone, except on rare occasion where these roles become confused

In the melee exchanges where we try a divergent pattern

I think I might have had six or fourteen actual conversations in my entire life,

And at least a third of those I think it was only a conversation on my end  

The other person was testing it out and decided half-way through to quit participating in full

In turn I am most certain that others would tally a conversation with me, wherein

I was most un-present for some measure of the duration  

So the events are probably discounted on the grand scale of accountancy

So if you add it up on the Earth right now there are probably

One and half trillion conversations out of say six trillion people

Actually believing they are speaking or communicating 

This is about average and out of that

Most is not retained or remembered or recalled to

Preponderance so the sounds, the echoes, the blank noise distorts and amazes me

How anyone really speaks to anyone ever