Pascal,
I
have read both of your emails, and do have thoughts. I would respectfully ask
for you to please be patient for my response; my silence is not a brush-off--
it began as meditating my reply and then I had to leave NOLA suddenly due to an
illness in my family. I have been quite distracted by events, so I apologize
for not sending word I expect to be back sometime over the weekend, when I hope
to find the time and requisite solitude for reply.
Kind
regards
Sophia
Reply two days later,
Good
afternoon Pascal,
I
have many thoughts regarding the things you have written. Indeed, it seems that
we are coming from similar places in our approaches. I think perhaps one
fundamental difference is that you seem to be coming at things quite openly,
which is lovely, whereas I tend to be a bit more closed. I do not really rate
my closure as positive or negative; it is simply the place I am at this moment,
and I regard it peacefully knowing such things are very fluid in life.
I
begin by mentioning that fact because you deserve an honest approach, and so I
tell you this so you might have the means to understand my reticence. There has
also, just in practical terms, been the issues of having a lot of time on my
hands when I first arrived back in NOLA and contacted you and my available time
decreasing rapidly, and then the matter of my godmother's illness which put me
on a day-of flight to Spain. I ended up returning yesterday instead of this
weekend because it was significantly cheaper, and now today I have some time to
attempt to redress your thoughts.
You
clearly function on a level that is rare and which I deeply appreciate. I tend
to be in the 3rd degree a lot of the time, but unfortunately that is mostly
with myself as I find others with whom I may share that side of myself more or
less non-existent. It is refreshing.
I
thought about, and still may, replying to you paragraph-by-paragraph, but I
will not begin that way as I am not entirely sure it is I whom is specifically
being addressed. You give many ideas, but are they for my benefit, or your own
in sending them out of yourself? While there are many points with which I tend
to mostly agree, and many of those being, yes, things which I find others to
generally not consider, I still am not convinced they are, as you say, in
pursuit of me. For example, I skipped entirely the excerpt of the letter
you wrote to your friend. While I'm sure it was topically relevant, it was not
something you created for my benefit. I am unsure of your motivations.
I
am, however, excited by, and interested in further perusing the subject of
gender relations. It is a matter that I myself have examined, deconstructed,
and reconstructed in what I believe to be a meaningful and deeper sensibility.
I do not expect that in this life I will get to personally know the joy of
such, and I do not expect because I also believe in doing things without
expectation. If it happens that I do receive the grace of such an experience,
then all the more will it be filled with delight and surprise.
I
am going to keep this brief, as compared to your letters. I would prefer to
converse, as this has all been a bit one sided (which I take responsibility
for). I will include a recent short story, and my permission for you to call
me. Today I am wandering the quarter in this beautiful day, and tomorrow I'm
going riding in the morning with some friends in Audubon Park (an entirely
lovely endeavor). Sunday my only plan is church. I'm sure things will come up
moment by moment, as they tend, but now you have my preliminary ideas.
If
we meet, that will be wonderful, but if my untimelyness has deterred you, then
I hope that you have peace in all that you do.
Best,
Sophia,
Attachment:
The Shoreline Watcher
The story was a twenty page tale of a lothario, a reluctant
beauty, and a plain-faced observer hotel concierge set in Paris.
Text to Sophia,
I am off to my brother’s punk
rock show this evening. I have some time
Saturday & a few ideas if you would like to get together. Enjoyed the story.
An email the next day
Sophia,
Your reticent words proffer an image of a folded bud held
for an environment in which to unfurl, neither anxious nor resigned, knowing
seasons abide by the mathematics of nature, rather than merely one’s volition.
I can relate to such sentiments. One of my common aphorisms is to enjoy the
stage. It is an acknowledgement that I am not in full control of life’s stages
flowing with time. I feel this makes life far more wondrous than if we had a
totality of autonomy.
I read The Shoreline Watcher and I have some
thoughts. The first of which was how any of the characters may reflect your
life experiences or emotional journeys, with the slight wonder how your closed
approach, may relate to the process of why you chose that story versus another
to share with me. The two may be entirely divested, however, as I know so
little of you, my wondering reminds me that taking the time of acquaintance
into whatever this might become to find out more, is exactly what I am hoping
to achieve. The story also gave me a sense of your writing style, which I will
have to elaborate on in person, but was a gift of personal disclosure in
itself.
Your approach to life appears to me rare as well. In turn I
sense a greater measure of the kindred appreciation that I referred to in my
earlier email after our continued correspondence.
I offer you my assurance; I am in pursuit of you. Each of
the words I have written to you is intended for you at its root. In my last
email, I was uncertain if I would ever hear from you again. Therein a portion
of those words was to paint a portrait, possibly a memento of a brief, but
piercing image of a man, who thought he saw something in you in the flash he
was able to witness. However, shrouded by the shadows of the internet it drew
this response. I wanted you to feel this response, for it was human, rare, and
worthy of recognition.
I called you yesterday and texted after I did not hear from
you since I was going to a place where I probably was not going to hear the
phone ring to try to plan something for this weekend, primarily today. However,
your lack of reciprocation of correspondence, given the previous confusion, is
leaving me a bit uncertain of what you want to do here. I do have time this
weekend, but as you wrote, things come up moment by moment. I also know next
weekend I am busy.
I am not sure if it is my massive good looks or my multiple
Nobel prizes in peace, physics, and fire juggling scaring you off. That is
pretty intimidating, I know. Whatever speed you need us to move at for you to
be comfortable, I am ok with that, as long as you communicate with me along the
way. Also, I am just looking to get to know you at this point, so please do not
misconstrue my velocity.
I do not know what relationship you may or may not be
coming out of, what worries you may have had in your recent stage, but I think
if nothing else we have established for each other that each of our waters run
deep. I appreciate dearly, you communicating your juxtaposition of my openness
and your current stage of feeling closed. I do not imbibe the assumption that
this defines you, but rather conveys the stage you currently inhabit.
I am a man who yearns to be open. Thus my desire to
surround myself with deep-thinking people correlates with that yearning. You
wrote that finding others to share that side can be more or less non-existent;
I am highly empathetic and relate more than I could possibly explain in an
email to that sentiment.
So far many of the words we have shared have been of a
deeper nature, which I do appreciate as a foundation, I do however wish to see
your smile, the curve in your fingers, and speak to you face to face with a growing
sense of playfulness.
I have to run the hobbits out my garden, talk to you later.
With kindness,
Pascal
Sophia telephones fifteen
minutes later from her New Orleans area code in response. Jokes of people being real are made. Talks of horse riding on the river’s levee
are had. Plans are made to meet tomorrow
for tapas on a street in New Orleans in the early afternoon.
Text Sophia to
Pascal later that evening
Pascal, I’m stuck in the Marigny-went to the krewe du vieux
parade and am going to have stay over here.
Truly not being a flake, just giving you a heads up 12:30 may not be
possible. I will call you in the am and
we will figure it out.
Sophia never
showed up for the 12:30 meeting.
Text Pascal to
Sophia 1:13 p.m the next day
Your text said you might be late. Absent a phone call, I showed up for
12:30. What is going on? Did the parade knock you out?
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