The Dog at the Doorway

I have been processing a sentiment I am and others have been

Currently labeling as anger when discussing god or religion lately

In order to more precisely define the feeling or its root

Religion is the more malleable of the two

Many of the religious believers I converse with

Do not actually believe in the tenants of their chosen faith

When boiled down to the languid syrup, god tends to stick

The miracles, the storylines are under the breath

Each considered as ridiculous as the next on a plentitude of occasions

However, there are the zealots who prescribe exuberant dissertations

On the power of the Word, penned by the hands of the Most High

In my small circle of Earth this tends to be the minority

Church goers tend to attend at least in part to avoid conversations with their progeny

And if not presently, then later discussion with themselves to articulate faith firmly

Most common is a disquieted fear amongst the faithful colonies

Of atheists and discomfort with antitheists who force the potential nonexistence of god

Into the forefront rather than the background of contemplation

Which like a lake’s surface glimmers the raw loneliness of this is all there is

I find this a plausible ongoing search in each higher functioning being

However to have one’s actions incongruent with one’s thoughts

Tends to foster a level of hypocrisy I have yet to reconcile and

Imagine this is at the root of the discomfort in others with less defined images

of the same ultimate conundrum,

Yet I tend to desire this confrontation

As it is like the proverbial Thomas, the Bible instructs one not to be

Wanting to finger the wound for blood; I have found the ration of such a character

Admirable as such inspection would prevent a chaotic detour of humanity

Into ghostly dirges and ethereal cloud carriages for lack of due diligence

It is this very act of self-teaching, exploration, and education, which I find of utmost importance

To our super-organism, yet is repressed at most verses of the majority of religious text

Like Hitchens said, “That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.”

I have been told by those who love me,

“I don’t care if you are religious or not, but I want you to believe in God.  I am not ok with you not believing in God.”  I feel like the comfy blanket / panic-reducing life preserver

that god represents in this reference

As their worry that if I do not hold this reservation when death comes

I will be lost into nothingness or worse

Where those who have put signature to reservation will have a slot on that train

The rejoining into god or with god or a somehow or a something

This reflection then materializes with the foul consideration of the opposite

In a mirror of how small human life appears to them in comparison,

A sadness approaches and is pushed back in an ambiguous linkage between humanity

And this spiritual reunion which mutes the ritualistic communal rhetoric of each member’s

Practiced Earthly religion and like a brushfire leaves only the fertile soil

Of a belief in God so that the people of China, Brazil, Canada, Australia, Zimbabwe

The United States, the Netherlands, Egypt, Colombia, Iran, France, etc. etc.

Each are washed clean as long as they are holding a passport

It is viewed in some part that this god, rather than be annoyed by the fanatical

Circus of political and theocratic persecution done in His name by the flocks

Is most concerned with recognition that a God exists and so

Pity sets in for atheists first, as we will not be able to join this party

This makes me feel like a collegiate non-fraternity member is such ways

As I did not pay my way for associates therefore I must be alone

As I did not tithe to have members to surround myself in a rejoinder on the subject

I have no exclusivity on my individuality

To me individuality is an illusion based on the consciousness of an organic brain

I am a single cell divided into a network of cells like a rat, a lion, a turtle, a fern, or an albatross

This notion of seeking a god buries this simplicity with a fantastical diversion

As a bit of entertainment and antidepressant

As if we were not like the jackal to hunt in packs and tear the flesh from one another

Assassinate other’s progeny, procrastinate the tilling of the fields until mass starvation

Racking the landscape into a plethora of poverty and malevolent ilk

The primary regress for control over the population to avoid such plagues

Is the concept of god, perpetuated foremost by those in power at maximum commercial risk

Marxist have discussed such ideas for generations,

But I am most concerned with the fear repressing the next evolution of mankind

That knowing such mental Olympics we cannot acknowledge rational behavior and move beyond

An omnipotent policeman or a mystical reward or ongoing trump of death

To promote kindness and dignity in our collective

Like the well-behaved child internal motivation will supersede the modifications created

From spanking as primary reprimand as prison systems recidivism rates attest

So I cannot help but see those dependent on the comfort of such godly passports

As self-imprisoned awaiting a nonexistent jailer, judge or jury

There is only volition and what is done or not

The cliff dropping nothingness of such absolutism prompts that fear

That beings aware of the physics of gravity will speed adrenaline through blood

This confrontation is unsettling to most and yet I find it comforting

As an antitheist I have stared over that ledge

I have felt the medicinal swallow of death

I have peered into the darkness and scoffed at any illogical request for compassion

For attention like a misguided puppy whimpering at the doorway of a never-seen master

For a meal that was never and will never be prepared

The canine’s stomach enzymes are eating itself appearing plump

I would rather wander roads, helping travelers where I can to find Tom Joad

Focusing on reading, writing, learning, volunteering, acting with love and combatting fear

With ideas to plant seeds in minds to grow something bigger than myself

Knowing these genes will try and try to jump ship distracting in their fit with death

The anger, the sentiment is with people unwilling to move on with it all

Staring at the traffic accident of Jesus, Mohammed, Abraham, Buddha, etc.

On the side of the road with the ultimate marvel spectacle of god, which

Seems to slow down our action from achieving, accomplishing such rational growth

If god does exist, so be it, it is for me the inverse of Pascal’s wager

That not believing and yet being kind and treating others with mutual dignity

Is a better path, than to invest so much energy and precious human time

Worshiping, hypothesizing, proselytizing when that effort is better suited

In a less sensitive more mature basic love that need not the pedestal or

Necessity of god to be performed

So I am ashamed, embarrassed, annoyed, hurt, and ultimately wanting

For the sideshow to be removed from the thoroughfare

So that traffic can keep moving, the dogs can quit staring at the doorway

Run in the fields and get to making goodness with what we always had