An Email and Translation

An Email

Former Husband,

Just a heads up that I have been working on the annulment paperwork for about a year now, and I think it is finally at a point where the diocese is reviewing.  I'm not sure if you will get any paper work or not, but I wanted to give you a heads up.

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Sincerely,

Former Wife First Name, Current Husband’s Last Name

Translation,

I married the gentleman I committed adultery with or at minimum that sin of the mind coveting one in the Decalogue.  Well he and I procreated a socially acceptable span of time after our civil marriage.  Our son is approaching two now.  I am uncomfortable explaining to him how his dad and the new dad of your daughter are not officially married to avoid perdition.

Therefore this is my minimal form of conveying that I long ago initiated Catholic legal action to which like the divorce filing a month after walking out on you in the season of Christmas you once got in the mail, the postal service may or may not have your actual address, due to let’s say a clerical error, to which you may or may not receive jargon, conjecture and poppycock in official Vatican sanctioned parchment to wipe the slate clean on this eternal damnation thing. 

So as I have bothered not to speak of what did or did not happen in the historical extension going on five years since I walked out on our family, or as publically stated, ‘I was forced to seek sanctuary from an untenable situation with a most uncouth madman tormenting our progeny into a state of apocalyptic tyranny and insanity.’ 

So please know that I thought about not sending this digital correspondence, as you know I had that operation that made it impossible for me to ever speak face to face, directly without lawyers, my father, mother or your daughter’s new dad present as doing such may produce an abnormal degree of swelling in my cranium in addition to the usual malady.  But in all manner of kindness the grace of God bent down and made it known as I contemplated the appearances of such to Catholic diocesan tribunals that I saw fit to send this correspondence of most sincere humanity.

Yours truly,

Woman attempting to avoid a mythical eternity being stabbed by devils

P.S.

I remember the night I announced my liberation and you shocked and weeping on the floor boards of the home we built together telling me amongst pleads for an explanation and a chance to address one’s heart and intestines being extracted like sausage links and stamped under foot, that amongst the tears that you would never agree to an annulment.  So I sort of remember at least that part, even though for actual tribunal purposes I am in no way nor shall acknowledge such, but that being problematic at my current junction, please just don’t in any way say or respond in the slightest to let me consummate this here hoop with Jesus so I can get officially married in The Church.

For instance evidential matter attesting to our mutual attendance to Catholic mass on a ritualistic seven day iteration before and after the baptismal introduction of our daughter to everlasting life.  Furthermore, your request to continue such attendance with our child on our typical schedule during that delightful interval while I was getting my lawyering prepared and my abject rejection of such after a single iteration would be most detrimental to the cause.  Our Christmas joint-acquisition of a twenty by thirty canvas photograph from the choir loft from our wedding a mere fifteen days prior to my departure eight years after the ceremony brings most heinous calamity to my statements of non-sacramental occurrence and perpetuation of a mutual constitution under God.

The priest can clearly be seen below the ornate gilded portraits of saints and Jesus as we prostrate into kneeling position announcing to our former families melding.  No, this would be most ill-advised.  So very well buggles and toodles!  Honey bunches of Oaks

[Wait now I am seeing an apparition of most saintly origin, the irony of this exchange is beginning to descend in luscious waves.  My deportment and requisite manner of treatment of you subsequent to my self-extraction from our “marriage” is the primary generator of your path towards antitheism.  This grants you a freedom of non-consequence, if not preference to the non-occurrence of this annulment.  So there it be only me who is concerned with such afterlives, current-lives, or contemplation of the watchful eye of our friend and loving most blessedly blessed Jesus.  Ah, but as in the tradition of all real world Catholics disregarding such miraculous signs for merely the tacit support rather than fervent testified belief, I am in the dark to this paradigm and currently assume that you would have mutual benefit in such annulment.  Oh well….. ]