In the Belly of a Black Star

I wanted to explore, to dive, to know

The urge to risk because I felt a place to go

I thought we both saw that

You put a god damn wall behind my body

As if my wants confined what you had to be

Easier to limit and suffocate the fire

Asphyxiate the oxygen than let it burn

To see what stays lit

When there are so few new discoveries

That are not made together

Because all the old ones have no place to hide

So little darkness to sequester

A safe zone where another does not know

What we have done, where we have been

The sins and graces stand in the center of the room

Like goblets tasted

And we might stare at each other like ravished fools

Asking is this what we dare  

This vulnerable, nude, awake

Where are the caves to cling to the walls

Like a vampire bat and beat wings in the blind

Hiding behind a shadow of the sun

Dancing in false allegories to convince ourselves

That this was less palpable in the context

Like that poetry of my tongue and motion of your hips 

Did not scream to the gods a bloody symphony

Awaited for like a witch’s cauldron tempting time

To give us this, offer this window

For the whole damn system to be put into question

Like a rippling orifice to let the fucking zoo run through

Escaping tortoises and scorpions in cold-blood-rush

Finding escape into the sun’s lick like the heat was a blessing

To be cherished rather than cursed

I just do not dream like that. 

My life has shown me the opposite and fuck

I am so damn afraid I will never feel like that again

Not that tender template into the gods of peace and war

Telling me to bed with the most intimate part of humanity

And dare attempt to ascend, because that was not love, but the universe

To feel no counterweight when the pulse slipped off the scale

Catapulted me into the nothing and the something

I am god damn destroyed

Wondering like an ecstasy junkie searching again for the rush of the first high

Knowing there is only one spirit who ever gave me that

Thinking of you like a gutted fool split and huffing

For the death knell to sound

Your silence feels like the universe closing in on itself

Like I dared to ride a rocket to stare that much closer into a star

I slipped past the event horizon and I am gone

The me that was is now stretched in this death that makes minutes

Into eons where my toes to my shins to my knees

Stretch like taffy as I can see it all, as my spirit keeps this emaciation of soul

Alive to watch my faith rack me into layers of self

Falling deeper into the center of the gravity of what I felt

This whole god damn game to be

You, me, and this universe, the theater, all of it

Stretching out like empanada dough rolled in hope

That this fire will make us into a body that might feed the hungry

We could be something like supernovas

If you wanted it

And you don’t

And I’m dying

Watching

Stretched out

Wondering

When my head will ever be crushed

In the star my body found

So very long ago