20150517

I am just emailing because I have not been doing well lately.  I would rather express this to a computer screen than a wall tonight.  I moved and I feel good and afraid.  I know what it means to have everything put away and how awful that has felt before.  No walls left to paint or boxes, just the recycling.  I try to put on a strong face and do my yoga, my writing, and be as alive as I can create on my own.

I have always struggled to find faith or hope.  I know that is why I write so much.  My poems are prayers for an atheist.  My search to figure out what this all is, why are we here, what are we; it is an endless prayer.  Sunday nights after I bring her back are usually the worst.  Staring back into Ponchatoula drains me sometimes.

My social life is just a perpetual train of silence and outright rejection spitting both ways.   The comedy has long been over to even laugh at it. 

I don’t want to have to hold it all in this moment.  Thank you for your love, it means more than I can say. I’ll be all right, just having a rough week.