Friday, June 7, 2013

Another Love Letter June 2013



I want to believe in you love; I want to be able to put you on the shelf as if God
I want to be an atheist with faith in the boundless and be able to explain
How love is still possible in universes stacking upon one another
Like some naïve schoolboy asking the questions that have been asked

Trillions of other times before by players in graveyards grown hoarse in the mirror
Asking and asking, searching and searching doing the best they can with nothing
But an idea or a sentiment, a guess upon a hypothesis, seeing salvation in the still waters
And growing complacent to peaceful, to mad, to relieved, to angry to wondering

If any of the waves make a difference and the sun sets on the lake and in hours
The mind will grow awake to ask all over again as if all that meditation only led
To a widening parade of questions finding clones to hold in one’s army and the armies
Inching in from all sides in a chaotic melee where victory is impossible to define

Who a self is or who a self would even root for if a self had an idea of the appearance of an answer
The dancers keep dancing and the arrows fly over in a cloud of descending points impaling hearts
Stomachs and mouths in the dark of afternoon eclipses of charcoal and
Piercing golden glistens of insomnia spot-light midnights

Paradoxical ballet dancers pirouette like roses and tendril vines that will strangle the flowers
Knowing the thorns and the softness the cling still brings a death pesticides cannot phase
The error sinks into the soil like years of explanations in phosphorous and nitrogen
Comingling with water and solar radiation bringing lovers and enemies to entwine

I remember the gaps of self-hatred and self-confidence twirling on the gymnasium floors
Disguised as promenades for disc jockey equipment thumping sub woofers and modern cards
Knowing what an artist was and hearing the pop of disconnection at the metronome striking
Euthymic distance into a space of what I wished to say and who I had the option to speak

The disparity claws into beach-heads and drives men to war, charging in grunts of blood and terror
Sucking in bullets and shrapnel for the sake of a chance, just a damn chance at a breath
Without the weight of the unknown into the decided, into the plausible universal substance
Of human dignity masquerading as love

Love you are teetering out of existence and in and out and in and never was and might have been
I am inebriated by your oscillation to the point of numb disconnect frothing panting intoxicated
To the point of pushing away the glass and finding my shirt drenched in ale
Knowing I’ll just get naked and find laundry in the morning.

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