I want to believe in you love; I
want to be able to put you on the shelf as if God
I want to be an atheist with
faith in the boundless and be able to explain
How love is still possible in
universes stacking upon one another
Like some naïve schoolboy asking
the questions that have been asked
Trillions of other times before
by players in graveyards grown hoarse in the mirror
Asking and asking, searching and
searching doing the best they can with nothing
But an idea or a sentiment, a
guess upon a hypothesis, seeing salvation in the still waters
And growing complacent to
peaceful, to mad, to relieved, to angry to wondering
If any of the waves make a
difference and the sun sets on the lake and in hours
The mind will grow awake to ask
all over again as if all that meditation only led
To a widening parade of questions
finding clones to hold in one’s army and the armies
Inching in from all sides in a
chaotic melee where victory is impossible to define
Who a self is or who a self would
even root for if a self had an idea of the appearance of an answer
The dancers keep dancing and the
arrows fly over in a cloud of descending points impaling hearts
Stomachs and mouths in the dark
of afternoon eclipses of charcoal and
Piercing golden glistens of
insomnia spot-light midnights
Paradoxical ballet dancers
pirouette like roses and tendril vines that will strangle the flowers
Knowing the thorns and the
softness the cling still brings a death pesticides cannot phase
The error sinks into the soil
like years of explanations in phosphorous and nitrogen
Comingling with water and solar
radiation bringing lovers and enemies to entwine
I remember the gaps of
self-hatred and self-confidence twirling on the gymnasium floors
Disguised as promenades for disc
jockey equipment thumping sub woofers and modern cards
Knowing what an artist was and
hearing the pop of disconnection at the metronome striking
Euthymic distance into a space of
what I wished to say and who I had the option to speak
The disparity claws into
beach-heads and drives men to war, charging in grunts of blood and terror
Sucking in bullets and shrapnel
for the sake of a chance, just a damn chance at a breath
Without the weight of the unknown
into the decided, into the plausible universal substance
Of human dignity masquerading as
love
Love you are teetering out of
existence and in and out and in and never was and might have been
I am inebriated by your
oscillation to the point of numb disconnect frothing panting intoxicated
To the point of pushing away the
glass and finding my shirt drenched in ale
Knowing
I’ll just get naked and find laundry in the morning.
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