20150901 Buddy Pope

Release from Pope Francis the Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy is on like priests to twelve year old boys.  The release for the Promotion of the New Evangelization is a marketing campaign straight out of George Carlin’s doorway of Planar Indulgence forgiveness in Kevin Smith’s Dogma.  The letter mentions pilgrimages to the Holy Door open in every Cathedral.  The Door of Mercy is open at the Jubilee Churches.  Buddy Christ is alive and well people.  Got to up the numbers; the gray hairs are dying off and without let’s say women who have sex, homosexuals, or divorcees, the men in dresses would have no one left to play with as they hand out the god cookies. 

The opportunity for great amnesty is here for those who still want back in the good pile before god smites like heathens like a mofo.  According to the pope Francis you can get your dead friends and relatives in on the act.  “In the great mystery of the Communion of Saints the merciful Face of the Father will free them of every remnant of fault and strongly embrace them and all you have to do pray them back into the good pile even if they never gave a fuck or didn’t want to be in it.  We can pray them back into the flock under these new doorway specials like a retroactive coupon.  Well isn’t that some shit; even if after I die my former Catholic stamped at baptism ass might get yanked back to the yoke Christ if some random person were to pray me back in if I happen to croak during this one-year only window Jubilee.

Now get this the headliner of the festival, the big stage Metallica-esque thunder guitar, Pope F says forgiveness can’t be denied for those who seek it but because some priests are assholes and refuse to forgive abortion peeps he has conceded discretion to the priests.  Wait what?  He has conceded discretion?  So wait so first he says it’s bullshit to not forgive, then pimps what amounts to some water cooler bulletin encouragement to quit the pompous judgmental shit they shouldn’t be doing anyway, and still tells these faith-overlords it is still in their discretion over ‘those’ who have procured (abortion) who are contrite. 

I would assume ‘those’ implies men too.  The media might use the word women, but fuck isn’t that the biggest bullshit as if a man is not always involved.  The great patriarchal scape goat of oh it was her choice and so in this mythical world of sin there is not another made up linked chain of culpability for reality.  It’s all crazy, but nah the biggest bullshit is Pope Argentina doesn’t say you have to forgive if you even want to call abortion a sin.  Abortion is not mentioned in the bible.  To call abortion murder is a matter of question and the question is not is the mass of developing cells a human, because we kill people all the time and those killings are not a ‘sin’.  So fuck if a priest knows how to sort that pile.  I don’t know the environmental, birth control, and homosexual commentary by Pope F have been better, but this is chock full of some marketing bullshit. 

All I know is if there are some banished angels making their way to New Jersey to walk through the forgiveness arc we are all fucked.  Alanis Morissette couldn’t save David Foster Wallace, but maybe she can still save the world.  Fingers crossed.