Friday, February 17, 2017

Translation of incoherent toddler president babble… 20170216

I am given words to inflate my ego.  I spout them.  I do not verify them.  Either I do not pay attention to basic political information like who wins the U.S. presidency and by how much in recent history because that is how little a fuck I give about this job.  I am supreme leader.  Fuck you.  Shut up.  You are worthless liars.  I am big.  You are small.

Look, shit went down with Russia.  People around me were doing shit.  I don’t read or command jack.  People just tell me shit.  My filter is questionable.  I really don’t like working this hard.  Typically I get four blow jobs a day by six different women.  I am down to two and Melania keeps getting out of her cage in the tower.

Bannon was up to something.  It worked.  I pulled him into my Beltway.  This fling with Vladdy Daddy is not going to end well.  You know it.  He knows it.  I could bomb the fuck out of one of his little dinghies off the coast of wherever the fuck someone tells me it is right now.  I could push the button.  It’s a fabulous button.  I had Priebus put a big T on it.  Do you want to see the button?  Field trip let’s all go see the button. 

I keep it in my toupee closet with my S&M gear where Melania ties me up and feeds me caviar in a suppository laced with opioids.  Classy.  Big league Dungeon.  Gold leaf choker. I got a cock ring with my nickname for my dick on it, “Tangerine Torpedo.”  

You Jew don’t ask a bullshit hard-ball question.  Ok sit down.  I am the least anti-Semitic and racist person in the history of my pure blood line at least relative to Republicans.  I mean come on people you can’t expect me not to be at least a little bit resentful about a Jew porking my daughter.  I hired Bannon.  I mean get with it.  You can’t hold me to Clinton rules.  He had to make nice with the blacks.  And Kenyan Obama, fuck well America had enough of that.  Did you see my numbers?

Quiet, quiet, quiet. You token, what you got?  CBC what the fuck is that?  Who?  You must know them, because all black people know each other.  I know that because I am quote, and I am president so I can quote myself about not being racist while being racist, “the least racist person.”  So gather your blacks, gather your blacks for me. 

Look I didn’t promise anything about misogyny.  Women are here to serve me.  Quiet.  Clap, Clap.  Set up that meeting that they emailed me about in January but I ignored because I was planning my golf weekend with the rich folk at my own Floridian playground that the taxpayers pay to fly me and my entourage to stay.  Sweet deal.  Making a killing.  I sell a shit-ton of space so you can watch the Donald in action.  Opulence I has it.  Trump out.  



Reality Show Translation of actual Press Conference pieces were skipped but these were actual words used 20170216

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Well, no, I was told—I was given that information. I don’t know. I was just given it. We had a very, very big margin.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Well, I don’t know. I was given that information. I was given—I’ve—actually, I’ve seen that information around. But it was a very substantial victory. Do you agree with that?

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Well, the leaks are real. You’re the one that wrote about them and reported them. I mean, the leaks are real. You know what they said. You saw it. And the leaks are absolutely real. The news is fake, because so much of the news is fake. ...

I can handle a bad story better than anybody, as long as it’s true. And, you know, over a course of time, I’ll make mistakes, and you’ll write badly, and I’m OK with that. But I’m not OK when it is fake. I mean, I watch CNN. It’s so much anger and hatred and just the hatred.

JIM ACOSTA: You said that the leaks are real, but the news is fake. I guess I don’t understand. It seems that there’s a disconnect there. If the information coming from those leaks is real, then how can the stories be fake?

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Well, the reporting is fake. Look, look—
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Russia is a ruse. ...
Are you a friendly reporter? Watch how friendly he is. Wait, wait. Watch how friendly he is. Go ahead.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: You see, he said he was going to ask a very simple, easy question. And it’s not.

JAKE TURX: It’s an important one.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: It’s not. Not a simple question, not a fair question. OK, sit down. I understand the rest of your question.
So here’s the story, folks. Number one, I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Number two, racism—the least racist person. In fact, we did very well relative to other people running as a Republican.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Quiet, quiet, quiet. See, he lied about—he was going to get up and ask a very straight, simple question. So, you know, welcome to the world of the media. ...

APRIL RYAN: Well, when you say—when you say the inner cities, are you going to—are you going to include the CBC, Mr. President, in your conversations with your urban agenda, your inner city agenda, as well as dealing—

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Am I going include who?

APRIL RYAN: Are you going to include the Congressional Black Caucus and the Congressional Hispanic Caucus—
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Well, I would.

APRIL RYAN: —as well as on the—

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: I tell you what—do you want to set up the meeting? Do you want to set up the meeting?

APRIL RYAN: No, no, no.
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Are they friends of yours?

APRIL RYAN: I’m just a reporter.
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: No, get a—set up the meeting.

APRIL RYAN: I know some of them, but I’m sure they’re watching right now.
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Let’s go. Set up a meeting.

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