God Olympics

If God was real why would

Christian schools not compete in prayer between the schisms

As a sport, to determine the champion

Why would the sects of the Globe not compete in prayer Olympics?

Of the Protestants with the Baptists, the Pentecostals, the Methodists, Presbyterians, Anabaptists, Puritans, Lutherans, Congregationalists, Adventists, or Pentecostals.

Or of the Catholics with Latin gymnastics, rites of Coptic, Greek, Celtic, Philippine, Russian, Maronite, and Roman.

Or of the Orthodox with hammer throw to Bulgarian, Ukranian, Estonian, Finnish, and Chinese

Or to the Anglicans with the dash to Korea, Kenya, Australia, Brazil, Myanmar, and Canada.

Or to the Calvinists of Reformed high jump with the Afrikaans, Croatians, Dutch, French, and Swiss

Invite the Irvingites, Charismatics, African-Initiated, Quakers, Stone-Campbell Restoration, Southcottites, Millerites, and Oh ye Latter-day Saints come! 

Bear hypothesis of volleyball Christian-Scientists!

See the bountiful teams of Jesus and bring gold for planet Kolob! 

Bring the Buddhists and the legions of Siddhartha Gautama to revel in the beauty of their twisted ankles and shin splints endured during warm ups!  Want no Gatorade for electrolyte nirvana.

Climb Theravadas of Sri Lanka and Laos.  Drive Mahayana of Singapore and Vietnam. 

Leap Vajrayana of Tibet strive for fourth! 

Jews dig out from the Earth and part the waters of the pool.  The Ashkenazi, Orthodox, Conservative and Reform will each take a stroke.  The Haskalah will arrive in the final heat!  The Sephardic Jews will take archery!

Hindu’s of Shaivism will take basketball.  Vaishnavism will conquer crew.  Shaktism and Smartism can share glory in an unending badminton match.  Atma Jnana to the victor!

Muslims to the tennis courts and weight lifting!  Sunni, Shi’ah, and Khawarij unfurl your flags.   The clubs of Hanafi, Hanabali, Maliki, Shafi’I will take high-hurdles.  Isma’ilism with Nizari, Tayyibi, Sevener bring ribbons in water polo.  Sufism brings rhythmic gymnastic silver for the Oveyssi and Bekashi.  The Jafri with the Twelver and the Alevi stand ground with the Zaidiyyah in freestyle wrestling.

The events of the cosmos will bear witness in ecstatic attention to the podium’s parade!

Natural disasters will cease at this time of grand determination

at which sect wins war and which wins prayer,

Which has Dylan’s chorus on their side as Hitler marches into France while all the voices are in the stands cheering, cheering their heroes of the games. 

The Iranian Supreme leader will determine which players are worthy of taking the soccer pitch as God comes down at the final ceremonies and declares the aliens of the planet Brokidaddahash in a nebula eighty-million light years away won their division and are coming to compete with the champion of Earth for which religion will reign supreme in the universe before God decides to use the Milky Way in a game of marbles with the deity of the universe across his street.