There was a moment
when Arthur Andersen was bleeding out after Enron
I was in the process
of being laid off, jettisoned as flotsam for an income statement
Despite the CNN
broadcasts I did not hear it coming on that day
As if I was safe or
that my work product was relevant to the employment evisceration
There was a phone
call received by my coworker
Approximately four
thirty on a Monday afternoon in 2002
Leave the publicly
traded company you are working on their 10Q
After having
finished the previous year’s 10k the Friday before
Return to home
office
Managing partner is
waiting
Enter
We have to let you
go
I thought of my
father.
His exchange with a
company that would later become Entergy
His flights to Pine
Bluff Arkansas for labor away from us like a migratory bird
Dropping food in
mouths
His termination,
release into that wilderness
The self judgement
on his manhood
How he rebounded,
how he did not
Yesterday I got
summoned into an office at four thirty on a Friday
The email to arrive
said four people were supposed to attend
The president
informed me upon arrival the other two would not be coming
Subterfuge, the non-alert
of the employee to drain the most out before truncation
The avoidance of
startling a bull in a computer system
Deletion,
destruction of data, the milk-blood of money
A decision was made
two months ago abruptly to shift accounting systems
Without request of
my input, this was happening, my superior said he had no say
It costs twenty
thousand dollars and about three thousand a year
Replacing one that
cost $600; I did not understand. Now I
do.
They did not pay
anyone to train me. Why waste medicine
on a terminal animal?
I figured out the
software like a maze I was born to run on some empirical addiction
To learn, to grow,
taking on the challenge of the moment, what was asked
Slipping, forgetting
the lessons of the machine
That I am in this a
number on the financial statements I prepare
For bodies that own
assets; we are trading time for digits in banks
The thought a man
and his siblings chairing a trust would restructure me without a goodbye
The insulated
priority to be treated as a remainder in a quotient
Lopped off the body
in deliberate impersonal cessation
Prompting me to
begin life once more typing on resumes
Cover letters and
explanations referencing the fallout of men like Kenneth Lay
I do not want my
talents to make money for men like that
The initial shock,
tears dripped the reservoir
Realizing the man
who hired me is no longer in charge
The owners have
ousted the ranks of logic, detailed discussion
The republic has
flooded. Porsches in designated parking spots
Puffed chests and
breasted trophy wives for a man
Who knows his father
could have been a billionaire
And ended up with some sum of millions
Understanding the
mathematics, shifting ones and zeroes
I woke up depressed
Friday morning later in the day
I got downsized in a
jolt of numb ache contemplation
I woke up Saturday
excited positive about what life can be
Enron taught me
bitter does not do a damn thing for better
Like Twain said
anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel
In which it is
stored than to anything on which it is poured
I am divine
love. I wish you peace.
Take these passwords. Take my house of bricks. Patch your straw.
Slice whatever you
think of me away.
I will be egoless
Slip through the
shadow of a man I no longer will be.
Forests sprout from
rain, but nourish growth from shit and fire.
Raze my trees, level
to dust, and I will be timber licking the sky
Fuel in letting go
of comfort. Suffering cannot exist
without want.
Knowing a path is
gone, volition nil, I choose what is open.
