Apparently there is a manufactured sycophantic addition to
the throng of crapulent holidays named “Boss’s Day”. Unaware of this I arrived at my desk to find
a four foot tall metallic floating ghost shaped and visaged balloon tied to my
desk chair after lunch stamped with a post it note reading "Happy Boss's Day" under a gaping ghost-maw smile. The pod of
helium was retained for a week and then released on the roof top of the parking
garage lofting between a set of three power lines. I avoided knocking the power to the building into
a ghastly purgatory. I read the
following at a ceremony for my coworkers, as like the great wizards before him, the happy prince
lofted over Lake Pontchartrain into the great beyond.
Dear Raccoon Family,
Please take care of Mr. Ghost
Balloon as you spawn your next litter in his ghastly latex foil clutches. May your labors be bountiful as you scavenge
through America’s trash cans. If you are
to happen upon a cat, may you find common ground before resorting to a
urine-marking war. Such conflict may
soil the dignified and felicitous history of Mr. Ghost Balloon as he ascends
like so many Party-City veterans of joyous helium into a well-deserved
celestial retirement.
Sincerely,
Former human family of Mr. Ghost
Balloon
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